The Ten Commandments
- Thou shalt, at all times, question the sexual preference of officials,
spectators and players alike. Name calling of such dubious quality such as
"poof" or "wanker" is encouraged, especially where it is
directly aimed toward thou own team-mates. Sledging of the opposition is not
encouraged as it is seen as a waste of energy, especially seeing as thou should
be directing such sledging toward one of our players.
- Thou shalt, at all times, enjoy any such proceedings that the Famulee engage
in. Failure to do so will result in a fine of one gold coin donation*, payable
to the treasurer after the following game.
- A fine payable to the treasurer at games end, of one gold coin donation*,
shall occur whence one or more of the following occurs :
- A successful mankad occurs. As all who have ever played this form of the
great game are aware, this is the lowest form of cricket skulduggery and a fine
is the most appropriate punishment available (an option was to
"deball" the player but this might be inappropriate if we have a
female gendered persuasion filling out the hallowed shirt).
- An unsuccessful mankad occurs.
- Where a player bowls more than 2 deliveries that incur an automatic 2 run
penalty, per over.
- Where a batsman fails to make a positive score. Making zero with the bat is
neither a positive nor negative and therefore is not fineable.
- Where a batting partnership fails to make a positive, both batsmen will be
fined. This runs concurrently with the previous commandment.
- Where a batsman fails to rotate the strike for the entire over (including
wides, no balls etc), thou aforementioned batsman will be fined one gold coin
donation*.
- Failure to appear in such garb, or apparel, known as the "Famulee
shirt" (currently of Hawaiian persuasion) for the game, where the shirt has
been provided to thou player, shall result in a one gold coin donation*, payable
to the treasurer at games end.
- Failure to provide such garb, or apparel, where it is known to thou player
that thou will not be available for the following appointment at such venue,
shall result in one gold coin donation*, being payable to the treasurer at games
end.
- Where a player denies knowledge of the rules, where it is fully known that
thou player has been provided with such rules, shall result in a fine of one
gold coin donation*, being payable to the treasurer at games end.
- An easy catch, hereby known as a "dolly" that is
"grassed" shall also result in one gold coin donation* being paid to
the treasurer upon games end.
- Players not advising the captain* that thou are unavailable for the next
game, shall be fined one gold coin donation*, payable to the treasurer at games
end.
- Any such player who penalises the side, via nature of an infringement, by
five runs, shall be penalised one gold coin donation*, payable to the treasurer
at games end. Each occurrence of such fine, shall be imposed upon in
compounding fashion.
- Any such player penalising the side thus, shall be recredited the one gold
coin donation*, where thou player drops in a four letter word directed toward
such authoritative official who originally penalised the side thus. On
occasion, placing two four letter words in thou same sentence, will be
encouraged, and one gold coin donation*, will be held in credit for such
player.
- Any player arriving after the commencement of a game, shall be fined one
gold coin donation*, payable to the treasurer at games end.
- Any player found guilty of bringing the Famulee into disrepute, shall be
credited with one gold coin donation*, which thou player shall be required to
purchase a beverage from the upstairs establishment, hereby known as "the
bar".
- Any player found making a complete spectacle of themselves, whilst
displaying the Famulee shirt, will be rewarded with one gold coin donation*. A
player refusing to admit thou spectacle occurred will be fined one gold coin
donation* and such reward will be nullified. Thus, thou rule shall be in place
on court and at all times within the bounds of the venue. Spectacles such as
falling over or carpet burn on thou knee from "ordinary" fielding
attempts will apply. Judgement of such spectacles will lie with the captain* of
the night.
- Failure to partake in Famulee engagements or activities shall result in a
one game suspension. To include thee, thou must, where directed, wear socks,
hat or other questionable attire to play thou great game. Where it is deemed
that the player directly flaunts this rule and is found to have purposefully not
engaged in such activities, thou player shall appear "dacked" in the
upstairs establishment and suspended for one game. Thou team mates shall holler
"pants down" and other such dubious cries, to the fun and jest of thou
fellow suffering team-mate.
- Where a player contributes a net value of a negative score three games in
succession, thou player shall receive a one game suspension.
- It is encouraged that team mates ensure commandment 5 is adhered to, and
somewhat tampered with, by attempting to run thou batting partner out on as many
occasions as is humanly possible, or misfield as many deliveries as
possible.
- If a player is to go through three successive matches without losing a
wicket whilst batting, this shall result in a one game suspension.
- If a player is to go through three successive matches without obtaining a
wicket in any form whilst bowling, this shall result in a one game
suspension.
- All fines are payable to the treasurer immediately after the game, unless
previously notified. If a fine is not paid, thou fine shall double each week
until being paid.
- A "false accusation" will result in one gold coin donation*.
Anyone mentioning the phrase "Cha-ching" or "fine" where it
is definitely not payable, shall result in the fine being reversed and paid by
them, to the treasurer at games end.
Legend
One gold coin donation - must be of Australian currency
Captain - anyone who is deemed to take charge of such aforementioned team
NOTE : All decisions are final and no correspondence will be
entered into. The score sheet never lies. The captain of the night is
responsible for making decisions regarding fines where they are subject to
conjecture. A "dolly" shall be voted upon by thou team mates (ie, you
haven’t got a chance in hell of getting out of paying the fine!).
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